None of you are going to see Madison again. I didn't kill her, if that's what you're thinking. I really need you to read this entire story before you even consider forming an opinion. Please don't share this story. This was written ONLY for the people that know me, or her, or both of us. Friends, family, co-workers, neighbors.. I mean it. I've hidden this story from everyone that I don't feel I can trust with it, and I've changed it so that only people on my list can see it, but just in case anyone outside of the circle does somehow read it, I've censored out all names and the name of our place of work. I realize this is social media, but I know each and every one of you so I'm confident we can be adults here.
I hope you can find it in your hearts not to judge us in a negative manner. I also hope I don't sound like I'm whining throughout this, but I did write this while I was in my darkest time that I can ever remember. This is absolutely not to slander anybody, and above all, I hope that you guys will handle this story with dignity, and respect our wishes for her to go peacefully, quietly, and undisturbed. There is a reason we did not tell anybody until after she was gone and that she never said goodbye to anyone. My life is absolutely never about drama. ever, but I realize I am probably about to be the cause of some. There are a few reasons that I am even considering sharing this story, because
I usually wouldn’t. My main reason, is because I want to tell this story ONCE, and never have to talk about it again... unfortunately, the only way to do that is to include everyone that it's directed to in one go... so unfortunately you're all going to have to read some personal shit... deal with it. There are a few other reasons though. First of all, I feel comfortable knowing that none of you have a way to contact anybody involved. Secondly, Madison made me promise that I would make sure everyone knows how much she loves you guys. She is going to miss all of you so very much. She loved meeting all of you and she will never forget you. Don’t ever forget that.. it came right out of her mouth and on to this message to all of you. Third, she wanted me to give everybody closure, in whatever way I could, so that nobody would ever feel the need to ask questions. Everything will be answered right now. She’s the one that never has to face any of this, I am. She’s gone forever. I’m still here, and I’m choosing to come forward and accept whatever you want to throw at me. Lastly, I also know that over time, everyone was going to wonder what happened to Madison anyways. I can't keep it a secret forever.
I can’t lie about anything, because there’s no good reason that she wouldn’t say goodbye to all of the people she loved and spent every day with. I'd like to avoid the rumors
entirely. There are a lot of people asking questions already. Friends, family, coworkers, neighbors.... Several of you have watched me completely lose my mind, and some of you
know something hasn't been quite right with me. I'm embarrassed about it and I want you to know why I've been like this. I know that some people judged our relationship from the start, and that’s fine, I get judged every day… I’m covered in tattoos,
do you really think I care what you think? But if you're going to judge me for anything else, at least let your judgement be based on the truth. Please understand that I am not
looking for sympathy or attention. Do NOT try to contact her in any way, because you can’t anyway. I don't know if she'll stick to it, but she removed everyone from Facebook, including myself, and disabled it, and
then changed her phone number. That's how we wanted it, and that’s how we planned it. Please respect that. However, if you have some other way to possibly contact her that I'm unaware of, just don't,
because she won't respond, and it wouldn't be your place anyway, and I hope that if your paths do ever cross again, you won't even bring this up.. because we're both putting it behind us.
*Disclaimer* Very bad language & real emotion.
Grab a beer and some popcorn. Read this entire thing and look at every picture attached before you even consider saying a word.
7345 words 37080 characters
This is "Dear Madison".
I never knew life could be lived so fast. The odds of me ever guessing this would turn out the way it did are astronomically infinite. When I first met you, we both knew there
was a connection.
We both knew it was very strong, and you just cannot fake the feelings we had together. I know they were real. We were both going through some pretty tough shit. I just had
finally gotten over seeing my mom have her second stroke, and now I am slowly dealing with the declining health of my grandfather. For those of you that don’t know, I was
raised by my grandparents for 20 years of my 24 year old life. They are my everything, and my grandpa is like my dad that I never had. It hurts me very much to see my grandma's
heart broken into so many pieces. She smiles, she laughs, but she hides her emotions. She tries to stay strong for the family so that nobody will worry.. I think that's where I
get it from. They have been married for over 50 years.. I was also fighting a lot with my girlfriend at the time. Nothing was right. I know that nothing was right for you
either. I knew that your ex boyfriend had hurt you very badly. I can see those things in people's eyes. You admitted to me he cheated on you for like 6 months, and sent
thousands of dollars to whoever she was. He lied to you, he went to see her when he told you he was going to "work". He put his hands on you when you confronted him. He
sounded like a real piece of shit.
Before we knew it, we talked every single day. Sometimes it was a simple hello and a smile, sometimes we spent our entire lunch together. We bonded over our pain. I always got
my job done, because work came first, but I always made sure to write you a cute note on a piece of paper starting with "Dear Madison" every single day, sometimes several times
just to make you smile. You would return the favor and it would make me smile every time, always. I hadn't been genuinely happy in quite some time. I think people can probably
see that in my eyes too. I smile, I laugh, but I try to hide my emotions all the time, just like grandma. I deal with a lot of shit in life, as we all do, but during this time,
I was always smiling and hoping you would be the cashier when I got to work.
I found out you were moving back to Ohio. It hit me in the heart a little bit. The girl I had slowly been falling more and more for every day was now going to be gone from my
daily routine. What was I going to do about it though? It wasn’t really any of my business, I hardly knew you, and I knew you had a very bad breakup and couldn't live with him
anymore. I approached you about it. I told you I was going to miss you, a lot, and I brought you a popsicle from
the freezer in the back because you were sad. I saw you start to cry so I gave you a big hug. You asked me for my number. I laughed and told you that you can always reach me
at 121(Lumber) or 124(Paint) depending on the day. You laughed and smiled and wrote me another note
with your real phone number on it. Before long, we were texting every single day, all day long. We would stay up all night and be super tired at work the next day because we
would talk on the phone literally all night. We would tell each other everything and anything, and talk about how we didn't deserve to feel the way that we were feeling, that
we deserved better and that everything would be alright.
You moved back to Ohio, and part of me felt more wrong with each passing day that I couldn't see you. I came to work every day waiting for my note, and obviously it wasn't
there. You still talked to me on the phone every single day, as if nothing had happened. Why did I still feel for you? You were 5 hours away. Why did you still feel for me? How
could we feel at all when we were also so not prepared for love again? I was talking to you the entire time I was breaking up with my girlfriend. I called you after she left
and told you how she hit me and threw shit at me and punched me in the face for trying to help her carry her TV out to her car. I wanted to know how somebody can be so spiteful
towards somebody that they love, but I do know she was probably just upset that I was breaking her heart. She was nothing compared to you. You were so sweet and innocent and
loving and compassionate. You were so perfect. I wanted you so badly, and you wanted me even more.
We finally confessed to each other that we had the biggest crush on each other. It wasn't like we didn't already know, but now it was real confession. It was Friday when my now
ex-girlfriend finished moving out. I was hurt pretty badly. But talking to you about it made me feel so much better. We began talking about what would be different if you had
been my girlfriend. You wouldn't throw shit at me, you wouldn't hit me, you wouldn't destroy my house and you could never ever hurt somebody as genuine as me. These thoughts
very quickly became reality. We bonded so strongly and wanted each other so very badly. It was decided that because you missed your job so much, and you missed Michigan, and your friends here, and your co-workers, and most of all, you
missed me, that you were moving in and we were going to be together forever. It literally happened just like that. Crazy right? Nothing felt more right in the world though.
It was the longest few days of my life. I was coming to get you on Tuesday (yes, the Tuesday right after the Friday that she left). It happened so fast, but when you know, you
know.. right? It was a 5 hour drive each way… but I was so ready for it. I was so ready to start my life with the perfect person. We talked for the entire few days about making
it into "our home" and starting "our perfect lives together". My family came over and helped me clean for 9 hours straight, so that you could come home to a clean home.
It was the longest road trip ever. We stopped and walked the dogs at some random gas station. That's where you first kissed me. I'll never forget it. The smile on our faces was
probably the dumbest thing anyone had ever seen, but we didn’t care. You had so much stuff jammed into the car that it seriously barely even fit. We were uncomfortable, but
couldn't be happier. Our work called you on the way home and confirmed that you did have your job back. That was pretty exciting. Everything was coming together. We had just
realized though, that you didn't have a car to use to get to work. I wasn't happy about the thought of driving back and forth 4 times a day. It was decided that I would just
get you a car, why not?
You could just pay me back slowly however you could when the paychecks finally started coming.. No big deal. By the time we finished discussing that, we had finally made it
home and unpacked you. It was so unbelievably amazing with you in my arms. "No regrets" we said, "never". This is what we had been waiting for, and it was so right.
Your dog got very sick the second day. There was blood coming out of both ends of him and it was all over the place. My mom and I scooped him up and went 75 in a 50 to the
hospital to hopefully save his life. We waited 5 hours in the waiting room making horrible jokes to keep each other sane.
You kissed me for hours afterwards thanking me and thanking my mom for saving your dog's life. He was still sick, but with the shot he got and the medicine we bought for him he
was getting better slowly. The doctor and I blamed it on the Ohio state collar he was wearing. That’s when you stopped kissing me lol.
Your dog was better and everything was going perfectly.. We got your car all ready to go. Everything was good. You met my whole family, and for the first time in a long time,
my grandparents faces were just lighting up. I could see their happiness for us. We were so perfect together. They love you Madison, I love you, we all love you. You touched my
grandpa's heart when you talked to him, and told him you were hoping he does well in surgery, I know that he is very scared about this operation, he doesn’t show it, but he is
scared… so it made me feel very blessed that you could touch his heart like that and make him smile. He never smiles. You’re literally the only one that did it. None of us
could believe it. It made my heart so happy, and my grandma cried her eyes out.
We did everything together for those next few days... literally everything we did was side by side. We were inseparable. Indestructible. We went shopping together and went to the cider mill and hung out with friends... everything you can imagine. One day, however, I got a text message from an unknown number telling me to "Watch my back". I thought it was a joke at first, but I confronted you and asked if you knew anything about
it and if it should be taken seriously. Your demeanor changed immensely. It was absolutely chilling to see the girl that was always so happy and normal change into something I
had never seen before. You admitted to me that it was your ex boyfriend. How the hell did he even get my number anyways? "Don't worry about it, he's been kinda crazy since the
breakup. He probably got it off ur facebook or something", you told me.
Okay, I just decided I wasn’t going to worry about it.. but something like that doesn't really ever stop being in the back of your mind.
Things got weirder with each day. This ex boyfriend had no idea who I was, where we lived, or what kind of car I had
bought for you, yet, somehow, I found flowers on the ground outside of your front passenger door with a note that said "I'm sorry Madison".
Did he follow us home from work or something? What the fuck!! I was so fucking livid. You were livid. We were both beyond help for a little while. I listened to you scream at him on the phone to leave you alone for 15 minutes, and then he cried and hung up the phone.
Over the next several days, I started getting that gut feeling. My gut feelings are never wrong. I didn’t know why, what, who, when or where, but I had the gut feeling that
something horrible was going to happen. Your ex boyfriend spent HOURS creating fake conversations between you and him. He sent them all to me, just to get under my skin, and I found 3 more bundles of flowers outside of your car. Though you threw them away every time, and started parking in the garage, I had my suspicions about you.
I told you we needed to go to the police. I fucking told you we needed to go right then and there. This crossed the line. I have a law enforcement degree, I've studied this
type of behavior, and this guy fit every category on the checklist of STALKER. You wouldn't let me go to the police because you said he was harmless. You told me you could beat
him up yourself if he even tried anything, which he wouldn't. We were so brutally honest with each other all the time, and we had been through so much, so I figured what reason did you have to lie to me? I told you if this shit doesn't stop though, I'm
going to handle this myself. I am a man. and I fought very hard for you. I was not going to put up with this stupid shit! You’re MINE and I don’t share.
4 days went by and I drove myself to the boundaries of insanity wondering whether or not you were talking to him. Were those conversations real? Or did he really make them up?
You promised me you weren't talking to him, and that the conversations were fake, but whose side were you on? When you go to court, you MUST address the evidence and either
confirm or disprove it's validity.
You didn't do that for me. All you did was get mad at me that I wasn't "trusting you" that those conversations were fake. Several times I saw you put your phone down in a
strange manner and I thought you just threw it down quickly to hide something from me.
Everything you did became suspicious. When we went out to breakfast, I caught you several times staring off at the wall while I was talking to you. Your mind was somewhere else
but I couldn't figure out where. Why did you tell me to turn the TV off and go to bed with you and then stay on your phone for 45 minutes? Who were you talking to? What could
you possibly have been doing? I cannot describe to you the amount of insanity that I experienced in those short days.
I tried to change up everything I did to maybe catch you in the act of doing something suspicious, and I never could see the screen of your phone fast enough to prove anything.
Why were you making me so crazy? I just wanted to scream "please stop doing this to me. Make your ex go the fuck away, or let ME make him go away." Why were YOU allowing this?
But I didn't have any proof, and I didn't want to accuse you without it.
It was Saturday. We were just on our way outside to walk the dogs.. the usual routine. On the way out I asked you what your ex boyfriend looked like. What does he drive? Should I be concerned?
This whole thing was just insane and I wasn’t feeling good at all. The gut feeling was so strong I could've puked. Your demeanor, your face, everything was wrong.
On the way down the street you started answering my questions. You told me he's 33 years old, he's kind of goofy looking. You told me I was way better looking than him. You
told me you don't know much about cars but you know that he drives a goofy white car with weird looking headlights.
Bella stopped walking a few seconds after we rounded the corner and her ears perked. I thought she had to pee, but I realized she wasn’t peeing. She was acting funny... she was stiff as a board and silent... almost as if she recognized something. Something told me to turn around. I had chills that you can't even put into words… and there it was.... right
behind us in the street.. the fucking white car with goofy headlights.
"It's him" is all I heard you scream, and we started speed walking but it was too late. The car rolled up right next to us and there he was. He jumped out of the car and put a gun right to
my head from 5 feet away and told me not to move. I, along with many other people, have spent a lot of time thinking about what I would do if I was ever part of a bank robbery
or something. I imagined myself kicking their ass… but I was ill-prepared, I was off guard, and I can 100% confirm right now that all you can do is freeze in that situation. I
wasn't a coward, but I did freeze. What choice did I have? It happened so quickly. I saw you try to scream but nothing came out. I can't really blame you.
I watched him walk towards you and try to kiss you. The stupidest thing you could've done was pull your fucking head away Madison. Why did you do that? The gun was pointed
right at my head. I saw his face turn from power into sheer anger. I knew one of us was going to die. I have never ever felt that feeling before. Life didn't flash before my
eyes like they tell you it does in that sort of situation. Instead, I clenched my fists and got angrier than he did, and my heart went into overdrive. I swear to god if he
didn’t have that gun in his hand I would’ve ripped his FUCKING head off and ten guys wouldn’t have been able to pull me off of him before his brain was all over my broken hands. But
by then, it was over. For whatever reason, he didn't kill me. He didn't kill you either. He was a fucking coward, just like you said.
He jumped in his car and slammed the door. He sped off around the corner so fast that he almost ran over Brutus. We looked at each other's face and I didn't see what I
expected to see. I saw tears, but they weren't the right kind.. they were not tears of fear. They were tears of confusion and sadness.
50% of me wanted to hug you but 100% of me wanted to run home as fast as we fucking could and call the cops, and that's what we did. We ran home so fast I was dragging Brutus
by the collar. I wasn't scared. I was PISSED.
I got in the house and pulled my phone out to dial 911. My hands were shaking. My body was shaking. WHY DID YOU GRAB THE PHONE OUT OF MY HAND AND DEFEND HIM. WHY DIDN'T YOU
FUCKING LET ME CALL THE COPS? At some point during this confusion, he also sent you a picture message of a gun. NOW you were scared, and yet you STILL DEFENDED HIM. It was
around 10:00 somewhere and I swear to god we went at each others throats for 7 straight hours until I had to go into work the next morning. Neither of us slept for one second.
That’s the night I figured out you still loved him. I partially knew from the moment that I didn't see fear in your eyes. I knew that I was the fool in the situation. There is
no reason why you could ever possibly defend somebody that pointed a gun at both of us. Are you fucking crazy? How the fuck could you possibly do this to me. What did I do to
you? Where did we go wrong? You seem so normal every day, in every other way except for this. You called off work the next day because you were exhausted from fighting. I
wish I could have. The entire next day was the hardest day of my life. I was trying not to tear up and my body was shaking. I wasn't scared, I was in shock. My body was
shaking from the inside. I have never ever felt something like that before. I was fine one minute and I was batshit crazy the next. I tried my best to help all of the
customers, but I was a train wreck. We didn't speak for the entire day. You slept in and went to church. You took your dogs on a very long walk around some park. I didn't hear
from you once for the entire day, and I certainly didn't talk to you.
I was so hurt I can't even put it into words. My body was still shaking. I came home from work around 3 that day, and you were sitting on the couch at home, acting like nothing
had happened. I came in and we were very awkward around each other at first, but things had cooled down because we hadn't talked. We had a nice conversation. We laughed, we
talked about different things to try and keep our minds off of it. I finally brought it up and you still refused to go to the police, and that's when you told me you had been
thinking about it and you had made the decision to go back to Ohio. You told me you still love him. You told me what you and I had was so very real, but it would never be fair to me because
you will never stop loving him. You would never be able to love me the way you love him.
I will never understand it Madison. How can you love somebody like that? My heart hurts for you so badly. I just want to reach out and smack you so fucking hard that you forget
he even exists, but you are a grown woman. You told me you wanted to try to make things work with him. That was your final answer. Yes I did cry. I cried 50% sadness, and 50%
absolute fear for your life. I pray for you every day Madison. I pray you find clarity, for you are so very blind. I pray you can find happiness wherever you end up, for you
certainly won't find it with him. People like that don't change. I pray for you to change your mind, for I know your decision is so very, very wrong. Above all, I pray for your
safety. This sorry excuse of a human pulled a gun on us, and I will never EVER be able to understand how or why you could ever love him or forgive him, not to mention that he hurt you before too. You are blind Madison,
and you have hurt me so very badly.
Not only have you hurt me very badly, you have torn at the heartstrings of my grandparents and my mom and stepdad. We have done so much for you because you seemed so right for me. You
were already family to us. How can you do this to people that literally gave EVERYTHING for you? I gave everything to get you back to Michigan where you loved to be and got you
the necessary tools you needed to get back on your feet. Not that material possessions can buy love, but we were supposed to be a team. Today I hugged my grandma for 15 minutes
and felt her cry her heart out onto my shirt because she knows how badly this hurts. My grandpa even cried with his surgery mask on, and I didn't even have to tell them about
the gun part. I can't tell them that... I can't do that to them. They cried for us just because they know this is a terrible ending to such a perfect story. How did I end up
being one page when you were my entire book? I think the world is under the impression that breakups suck terribly when you guys end up hating each other, the truth is, it's
so, so much worse when you both truly do still love each other. This is so fucked up that I cannot even explain it to you. You are sick Madison. You need help, and now I feel
like I need help too. How could this happen to us, and to me. How can you constantly still write me love notes telling me how much you love me and how amazing I am, and still
love him more than me? How is he better than me? What did I do to you to make you hurt me like this? And above all, why do I still have the decency to allow you to put in your
2 week notice at work? I guess I'm just trying to be the bigger man for the woman I love, even though you're breaking my heart. I heard you tell him you love him last night on
the phone. This will hurt for a very long time, and I just hope that you know what you've done to some very good people. I hope you can live with it. I wouldn't be able to.
I hadn't slept or eaten for 3 days when I typed everything above. That was real emotion coming out of my mind in it's worst state. But there's more to this story.
Every day, I'll look at our matching semicolon tattoos. In case you don't know what it means, a semicolon represents a time that an author could have ended a sentence, and
chose not to for some reason. This will remind us every day for the rest of our lives about the day we almost died together. Our lives could have ended, but for one reason or
another, they didn't. My semicolon is facing opposite direction of yours. I didn't mean to put it that way, but I love it because it's ironic. It represents how we have
different points of view, being that we ended, and I don't think we should have. None of this ever should have happened.
Tonight you answered the phone in bed and told him you loved him right in front of me. My heart sank, and then you hung up the phone, rolled over, and kissed me on the lips and
held my hand and told me I was amazing. I felt my blood boil to the point that I thought I was going to die. I jumped up and blasted a hole in my drywall with my fist harder
than I ever could have with a baseball bat. Who the fuck does this shit to someone they "love"? On one hand, I know I'm being used so badly, but on the other hand, it feels so
good to be able to keep you for as long as I can before I have to let you go forever... God help me.
The kisses have turned into forehead kisses and the feelings have changed from love into something else I can't describe. More like a very strong friendship, but only because
we both know we aren't allowed to fully love each other like we used to. I lie in bed with you and watch tv and pretend I don't notice you texting him. I know you're telling him that you love
him and it hurts. We still hold hands and we hold each other every night and each day and tell each other how much we love one another. I tell you how much you mean to me and
secretly hope you will change your mind. I also secretly hope if I hold onto you long enough your ex boyfriend will kill himself. God how I’d love to see his dead, worthless body.. I hope
he can live with knowing how genuinely you still feel about me. You don't really love him. Did you ever really love me? I tell you how I hope you find your happiness, and you
tell me how incredible I am, and that under different circumstances, I would be the father of your children and your husband. You tell me I would be a wonderful father, but unfortunately the time is wrong because your heart still belongs elsewhere.
I finally went to the police and filed a report. I told them I think everything has calmed down and that I don't want you to know that I've gone. I told them I don't want to cause any trouble, because I believe that once you are gone the situation will evaporate entirely, but I do want them to be prepared, just in case something does spark up another fire. If anybody finds out I came here, it will
only make things 500 times worse.. I think the police deserve to know that you are potentially putting yourself in danger. I think it would make me feel better if they are
aware of what a piece of shit this "man" is. They were actually very helpful. They pretty much told me that I cannot help somebody that doesn't want to help themselves, and that the best thing I can do is stop being involved, for the safety of everyone. I already knew
that, but it was nice to hear from someone else because at this point I am questioning my own sanity. It's going to take some time to feel normal again. I talked to a
counselor that the police provided for me. She asked me if you would be willing to go and see a domestic abuse counselor. I told her you couldn't know I came here, so she had
me ask you if you'd voluntarily go and see one before making this decision. You told me you would consider it when you got back to Ohio. I hope you do go. I feel better after
talking about my problems. But not good enough.
Tonight was the worst night of my life... Well, one of many.. You texted me while I was leaving work and told me that you were going out to meet some “friends” for drinks at bar louie
because they found out you were leaving. You told me you didn’t want to be rude and text or talk on the phone while you were gone, so you’d come home and cuddle with me when
you got back and tell me about it and that you weren’t going to be late. I snapped. I called you 15 times or more, I don’t remember… I knew you were sneaking out to meet him. It was that gut feeling that I despise yet love with everything that I am. I highly, highly
contemplated going to bar louie and ending someone’s life that night. I swear to god nothing in the world would have ever felt better to me than pulling that motherfuckers
stomach out through his mouth and watching him choke to death on his own organs. I vomited 4 fucking times, but I didn’t do it. I talked to some friends and they got me through. It just wasn’t worth it anymore. I wasn’t going to be
mad anymore…. or so I thought… I waited on the couch for you to get home so I could try and have a civil conversation with you… but my blood was pumping through my veins so
I hate you. I hate you so fucking much for what you have done to me, but I love you so much more. Nobody should ever have to feel the way that I feel. Ever. You walked through
the door and sat down on the couch. You admitted to me that you had gone out to see him, but that there were other people there too, as if that made it any better. I lost my
mind. I said “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHY CAN'T YOU AT LEAST RESPECT ME ENOUGH TO WAIT UNTIL YOU LEAVE TO START SEEING HIM AGAIN. END OUR CHAPTER BEFORE BEGINNING ANOTHER”. You
lost your mind too and started running upstairs while I was following you. You were screaming at me, I was screaming at you, and you picked up one of those girly boots that I’m
convinced are made out of brick and threw it right at my face. I said “So much for never throwing shit at me, huh?”... Surprisingly, it made things better.. I looked at you,
and I saw you cover your face as if I was going to beat you within an inch of your life… I told myself I am better than this. I am not your ex boyfriend, and I am also not who my father was, even though I have his genes…. I refuse to hit a woman... no matter the situation. I extended my hand out and grabbed yours while you cried your eyes out. We sat down in
my walk-in closet on the floor and our dogs and cat came in and we pet them in silence together, trying to remember who we were… I finally asked “What has happened to us?”....
you said “I don’t know David”. I said “I don’t want to end like this. I need you to know something… I need you to know that I’m not mad anymore, but I think it would be best
for both of us, if we didn’t wait out the entire 2 week notice. Let’s go back to being how we used to be for the rest of our time together, so that when we look back, we remember the good times.” You said “can
I ask you something?” and I said “yes”. You said “Do you really love me?” and I said “of course I do, but I think it’s best if we stop being IN love", and you nodded your head, as if you were about to tell me the same thing.
You told me that you and your ex-boyfriend had agreed to go and get help together while you were at bar louie. That makes me very happy. I'd rather see you alive with someone else, getting help, than dead just because I am selfish. We all need help at this point. You
also asked me “do you really think I touched your grandpa’s heart? Do you really think I made him feel better?” I said "yes, I believe that with everything that I am." You said
“Good. that makes this even more worth it... I don't regret any of this David”. Just like that, the fighting was done... We went and lied down on my bed and we watched some Netflix together in some much needed silence.
I am so thankful that during the last days we spent together we were able to love each other how we did before we ever fell in real love. It was love that reminded us of how we
once felt. We talked again about looking at our tattoos everyday for the rest of our lives and remembering that you and I have them in the exact same spot, and they represent
the exact same thing. We both know what it means and what it symbolizes. You are on my body, and I am on yours. Maybe not in name, but in symbol. I know that you will never
forget me, and I will never forget you. We talked about how it was a sincere gesture that permanently will remind us it was real and of what we had gone through together. I don't know how you will stomach knowing that
you are going to go back and be with the person that gave us the reason to put them there, but it makes me feel much better that you will be getting help together. Good for you
guys. I'm happy for you. Are we crazy? Probably, but it feels right, in a really strange way. Nobody can ever take away what we had for that short while. I know with all my heart that you did love me,
even if it wasn't for long, and you know that I loved you, and I still do.. I always will. This is closure, and I would never get out of this story alive without proper
closure. Some people would argue that our tattoos were a mistake. I don't think they are. This is a part of my life that I’ll never forget. It's more-so of a reminder of what we went through than a reminder of specifically you, because part of me thinks you're the craziest fucking person I've ever met in my life. How can you be so crazy and so normal? I can't really describe the way I feel about you. You've done incredible things for me, and I can't even begin to thank you for making my grandpa smile, but you've also completely destroyed me.
You kissed me for what seemed like a half hour before I left for work on our last day. You kissed me on the lips this time and hugged me and cried your makeup right into my shirt. I had to
change it, but then I realized I worked in paint that day so it was going to get messy anyway lol. I asked you if everything is going to be cool after you go.. no problems between anyone
involved, and you said absolutely no problems. "No hard feelings?" "No hard feelings." Both of us just need to stick to our agreements and take our separate paths and let
everything just fade away. You told me you never want to close this door with me because you never know what the future may hold. Maybe it was just the wrong time. I told you
I don't want to close the door either, but I am torn. I don't know that I could ever take you back after putting me second while you repeatedly promised me you'd
fight for me to always stay first, and that nothing could ever take you away from me. You used me. How could I ever trust you again? How can I ever trust anyone again? I told
you that I can't promise you I will be here if you decide to come running back, but you never know what the future may hold. Shit would have to SERIOUSLY change for me to reconsider. I deserve to be someone's everything, and I'm not
going to wait for you. You kissed my lips again and told me one more time that it was real, and that I would find my soulmate someday. You told me that it might be you and you
just don't realize it yet, but you'll come find me and let me know if you figure it out. I nodded my head and left for work, knowing you wouldn’t be there when I got back. I was so tired, so just
for the hell of it, I went to starbucks, since I remembered the time we went and you had to order for me because I don’t know what any of that shit on the menu even means. I
never thought our last words would be about frappamachos or whatever the fuck they’re called, but I’ve attached our very last conversation, along with some other pictures to go with the story.
I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I'm completely fine after all this. I'm a little bit messed up in the head, honestly. I've noticed that I'm having some trouble remembering things. I've been misplacing things more often than I really want to admit. I think I might still be in shock, to some degree. I had someone tell me 3 times what he wanted at work and I still had to ask him again because it went in one ear and out the other. I made sure I apologized. My grandma called me and told me she was bringing something over and I realized halfway through her sentence that I hadn't been listening to a word she was saying. She got mad at me that she had to repeat the story, but she understands. I’ve been having horrible stomach pains, but they're getting better, and I'm still having a hard time eating much, and sleeping. I hope this goes away soon, I think it will with time. My whole life I've always loved to study serial killers and crazy people. I've always wondered what it was like
to be inside the mind of a crazy person. I think I know now. It's not a place I'd ever like to visit again. I think it's absolutely fascinating that I'm completely normal and that I can think so clearly, yet at the same time I can also observe myself going through the "crazy" shit that intrigues me so much. It's really cool to be able to study myself. It's like half of me is completely normal, and half of me can't pay attention or remember anything or process normal emotion like I could do before I met you. I'm sure it'll go away soon. I'm not shaky anymore or anything. So it really is getting better, slowly.
If you have any stories you'd like to share about Madison, or myself, or both of us, I'd really, really love to hear them. Say a prayer for Madison, say a prayer for my Grandpa, my whole family is headed down to Georgia without me to talk to some surgeons on Wednesday. Other
than that, This story ends here. This is it. It’s done. I mean it. Don't share this with a single friend that doesn't know us. Keep it to yourself. Please don’t talk about it with me, and don’t question me. Let me get back to my normal life and put this behind me. The
best way you can do that for me is to treat me like you always have. I'm not a charity case, I'm the same person I always was, and I’m going to move forward from this and do great things. I’d really like to try and move up at my place of employment. I think I’m worth it. I’d like to start playing guitar again and hanging out with friends again and family. Play video games, start skateboarding again, I don’t know. I’ll
figure out who I am again with time. I think maybe I'd like to take up writing. Writing this story really did help me feel better. Maybe I found myself a new hobby! I’m too strong to let this defeat me. There is so much to still be thankful for in life. I'm healthy, I'm young, and most importantly, I'm still alive. At least now if anyone ever asks me if I've ever lived with no regrets before, I can absolutely say yes. Neither of us are bad people, you’ve got to keep that in mind. Nobody was ever meant to get hurt. We rushed, and we took a risk without thinking it through and we didn't wait for our feelings to settle or our heads to collect. We just went a little crazy. You love who you love, I suppose. Did you lie to me? Technically. Was it intentional? That's up for debate. Did I get completely fucked over? Sure did. I'm not taking it personally. He didn't win, he isn't better than me, and I didn't lose anything that was ever truly mine in the first place. I've come to terms with it. I will find mine someday. Don't worry about me, but I do ask that you understand I need a little time to feel normal again. This is the craziest fucking thing that I'll probably ever experience.
I'm going to leave you with some lyrics from one of my favorite bands, and they're actually from right here in Michigan.
Eight years ago I committed a sin
and there were many more that followed with
some that changed my mind
some that broke me down
but all of them made me who I am now
Eight years ago I admitted a dream
to chase it I had
to give up everything
but the things I've learned
and the things I've found
All of them made me who I am now
Thanks for reading - Dave from Paint/Lumbe